I Am a Woman

I am a woman. Now you can get a dictionary and argue that I am not. You can run a DNA test and argue that I am not. You can ask a doctor and argue that I am not. And I am not interested in arguing with you.

Allow me to make a analogy. Was Michael Jordan an NBA player? Yes. Is someone who sat the bench in one single NBA game and never did so again, an NBA player? Yes they would be. Are they comparable as players? Of course not. Well, that is me in this discussion, I am a woman, much like that bench warmer is an NBA player.

I comport myself as a woman.

I present myself as a woman.

I do not act like a “tranny”, I am not a “gurl” or “tgirl”.

I have definitive proof, in thousands of public interactions, that I am accepted as a woman. I paid particular attention to how others have interacted with me at a few events I worked for The American Heart Association and The Arthritis Foundation recently. I was treated as if I were a ciswoman. Is it the situation, with more enlightened people around me at these events? Possibly. Are many of the people simply more comfortable around me, having gotten to know me? Maybe. Is it a general change in society that others may be more sensitive to the gender presentation of those they encounter? Could be.

Watching people at Pride, it is apparent many have no interest in presenting as women. They wish to achieve some type of femininized version of themselves. Non-binary, along the spectrum, all things I simply cannot relate to. Of course, all TG folks weren’t necessarily there and there is nothing wrong with doing this. Nothing at all wrong with it, but it seems to be more of the current generation that defines themselves as non-binary.

It’s just not me, not my goal, not what makes me happy. I accept them for who they are and will support them in any way possible, as I recently did at the Queer Prom. I do put my money where my mouth is, walk the walk, talk the talk, so to speak. I felt completely out of place at Pride this year. I also felt horribly out of place at the Miss Gay Cleveland pageant. I was the square peg, many of the others were the round ones. We are all pegs, I’m just not the one that fits in there.

I will always continue to be the best woman I can be. To represent my sisters and leave a positive impression everywhere I go. But I am what I am and it appears that isn’t going to change anytime soon.

12 thoughts on “I Am a Woman”

  1. I have a complicated reaction to the exaggerated, drag-facing style. I support their right to present themselves, if that is indeed how they feel about themselves, but I have to admit that I cringe at some presentations, in particular overtly and overly sexualized affectations. I think such things provide folder for those who would deny our existence and restrict our rights.

    Granted, I am older and I prefer to blend in and be treated as a woman. I can’t begin to imagine presenting myself in public (or private) as a drag-queen might in a club. Again, not that there is anything wrong with that (w/in limits) but its not for me.

    1. We could not agree more. The problem is that when there is a Pride event, the drag queens draw the attention of every TV or media camera there and that is the impression the general public has of us. Nothing wrong at all with it, but as you said, not for me. Thanks Kim.

  2. Kandi,
    Oh my goodness so much to comment on .
    I appreciate NB is a touchy subject , I once went to alive show ( in the UK) performed by Elise Heaven I came away more confused than ever . I’ll admit I don’t think I can do the ” Walk ” or the ” Talk ” , as much as I try it feels so alien to how I live and how you describe yourself . I no longer fit the male mode so I fit the female mode , I don’t want to be in a situation where I can’t describe myself clearly .
    Drag acts have their place and have a great following but as the name implies it’s an ” ACT ” , and of cause many take to the streets in Pride parades , it’s colourful and fun , end of story .
    To question if you or I are women is never going to have a definite answer , I live my life as Teresa how other people percieve me I can’t say , all I know is I’m accepted and have been allowed to integrate into society , what more can I ask ?
    I feel you make a very valid point and that is , ” Get involved ” . When you help others through charities or join clubs and societies you become a useful person , your gender and what you look like are secondary . Naturally they do have to get to know you but that is just human nature , the best compliment from them is being totally comfortable and to a point ignoring you as something different .

  3. the longer you present yourself as a woman and act like a woman – the folks you encounter regularly will come to accept you as a woman @ least from my experience

  4. I am not here to argue but I will respectfully disagree.

    I have been treated kindly by people but I don’t believe they are treating me as a woman, they are treating me as a person. My friends who know Dee know that I present male most of the time, and that underneath the clothing I’m still the same person.

    It’s not that I’m a woman. It’s that I’m ME, and a part of me likes to get cute and wear a dress sometimes, and fortunately the people accept that about me.

    I go to Pride also and see people in all forms of dress (and to meetings of our transgender group), and my friends have a transgender child who states they are non-binary while presenting male. They are all trying to be themselves too.

    If I wish others to be tolerant of me then I must be tolerant and non-judgmental about how others present themselves.

    1. Dee, we all essentially agree. It’s semantics. I know what’s in my head, as I have acknowledged that by definition, I am indeed not female. That is how I view ME, this is how you view yourself. Thanks for being such a great friend and so important to this place.

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