I stole this idea from a CD website I have mentioned in the past. Someone posed the question and started it off with some silly answers, so I thought I would take a more serious or at least thoughtful spin at this. So, here are a few things I have learned since the inception of Kandi in late 2014.
- People are unbelievably accepting.
- I never pass and never will. The list of tells is lengthy. Don’t deny their existence. If nothing else, your hands will give you away, sorry it’s a fact. Work with these tells. Mitigate them as best you can and accept the others exist, it’s a fact that they do.
- Not passing is not an issue. Don’t confuse kindness or complements for passing. You are probably experiencing that specifically because you do not pass. I believe almost every complement I have ever received, and there have been many, are specifically because someone appreciated me for being me and doing so very well.
- My rules work: be smart, appropriate, accepting and visible.
- Don’t overdo it. Dress like a real woman, not someone trying to wear every conceivable item of women’s clothing all at once. Dress like real women do, most don’t wear giant heels or a dress too tight for them (most).
- Think it through, where am I going, what am I wearing. Slow it down, I know how exciting it can be, but doing it right makes all the difference in your experience as well as how you are perceived.
- Dress for what you will be doing. If, for example, you will be doing a lot of walking, take the heel size down a bit.
- Volunteering is an indisputable means for getting out and being very comfortable and valued in doing so (or at least it used to be).
- A smile is the prettiest thing you can wear.
- Act like a lady if you want to be accepted. Being “in your face” will never work, ever.
- Always reward kindness.
- If you love someone, tell them because at some time it will be too late.
- Style is not that difficult, it’s a simple matter of matching colors and wearing things that fit properly.
- Highlight your strengths, mitigate your weaknesses. Acknowledge that you do indeed, have weaknesses.
- Being me, previously someone I wasn’t wild about, is now incredibly joyful.
- Getting myself in front of as many people as possible has tremendously boosted my confidence and gained me many friendships and friendly acquaintances.
- The right dress……..no words.
- Hugs from total strangers can be addictive (or at least they used to be).
- Put yourself in comfortable situations.
- When shopping, you are a customer. Your money is as green as any woman’s money. Use that to your advantage. Accept nothing less.
- Using the ladies room is a nonissue, as we have discussed before, if you do so properly. For God’s sake, stop the ladies room selfies unless in a single toilet situation!
- Happiness is a birth right and not always easy to achieve in this life. Find it, cherish it and hold on to it for dear life.
- The great majority of the things I have learned have been overwhelmingly positive. However, making actual friendships, real ones are difficult when you are not a real person. By that I mean, if I were actually Kandi (24/7/365), then I would hope connections would sustain themselves. Being a part-time Kandi means connections remain shallow, meaningful (to me), but shallow. They come, but they always go, always. There is no ability for any relationship to grow roots.
- Pandemics blow!
I guess what I have really learned, I am a good person, I am a valued human being and I have every right to do what I wish wearing what I want, as long as I accept that we live in a (generally) civilized society and I simply play by the rules.
People, individual people, are wonderful!!
On the web site I mentioned in my “It’s Hopeless” post, I read an ad this past Monday for extras in a wedding scene being filmed for a movie. They requested a photo. So I sent two of them, my more expressive work and hoped for the best. The next day, I was in! That scene (a low budget local movie, but what should be a wonderful experience) is being filmed tomorrow and it is no more than 10 minutes from home. All I have to do is dress as if I were going to a wedding. No pay, but we get fed. Hmmmmmmm, dress for a wedding, free food, I’m good. Details coming to your favorite blog very soon!